sâmbătă, 30 aprilie 2016

next week

When I were in your arms and you promised me we will see again and when you told me nice things I believed you. We were in the most uncommon situation. Our love was prohibited. Nothing in this world would allow us to be together.
I would rather say we were not made for each other. Now you left and let me alone without a word. And now I know you will come back , but not for me, but for work. You will see me at my desk, and you will avoid to look at me. Why? Because you feel ashamed and because you see me as an obstacle . You can't live without me, but also you can't live with me.
When you will pass this room, your heart will beat faster, and you will feel like you would prefer to run, but you have to face your fear and enter in this room. You will pray to not see me, you will look straight but to other colleagues, not to me. But still , the destiny will force you to look in my eyes. And then, you will not know what to say, and you will invent something, but something related with work. I will not answer , and you will run away.
You will pretend nothing happened between us, you will pretend you don't love me, you will pretend you don't care about me.
Like last time, when everybody kissed you on the cheek , except me. Why didn't I kiss you? Because my kiss would have betrayed your intentions. And you thanked me for that, but you still stole my kiss hours later.
Now you will want to steal my kiss again, but in the same time you hate me.
The best part is that I don't know what will happen. I have no clue. When I dreamt you in that castle, I knew you love me in secret, and one year after my dream came true. But now, I have no clue. Maybe our story had come to an end. It's not an end like in stories, but an atypical end.  Next week, I will see you and I don't know how I will be, how I will react. Maybe you know. I used to know too.

sâmbătă, 23 aprilie 2016

If one day

"If one day I would sit at the sea relaxed and calm, I could say I am happy. I still don't know if I would prefer to be alone with my thoughts or to be in a good company.
Love, passion are old words for me. I am an old man, with old feelings, I could say I barely remember all my experiences.
Still, I wish to start dreaming one day. I work hardly, every day and night, and I know it's in vain. My happiness doesn't rely on this, but it's destroyed step by step.
I used to be warmed by a smile, I used to dream with open eyes at somebody and now when I try to dream , my mind blocks. I can imagine faces , persons, actions, but I can't feel anything.
I created a human being one day, but now I can't recreate myself.
I feel enthusiastic only in the presence of my creation.
And..oh ,..I was such a passionate man. I used to dedicate my life to love.Now I dedicate my life to sadness and frustration. I am a perfectionists, and I don't stop until I don't succeed.
It was you and me and all the others in my mind, and now you are a ghost.
And they are also ghosts. They are all ghosts in my mind. My friends, my family, my lovers, my neighbors.

I am such a solitary man, and I wish to feel the sea, to die in the sea. I wish to wish somebody. But sometimes I think my heart was replaced with a stone. Still I am so much sensitive to negativity. I am attacked every day by the media and with every journalists that asks me how could I, I feel like I am stabbed in my chest.  I am wondering if any person in this world would understand what I feel. Sometimes I meet people and I get enthusiastic but soon, this will dissipate. I am so much attacked at the workplace. They would laugh in my face, they would kick me out of my institute, but still I won't give up. "

-Are you still convinced you want to write a book about my life story? He asked Diana, and Diana said yes.
My life is interesting, but I am a difficult person. Everybody would accuse me after reading this book.
-To judge somebody is in our nature, but don't worry, nobody did what you did, and nobody could understand you, because you are the only person in this world to create a human clone.
Thank you Diana. Your words are always warm.

She would say out loud that she loves him, but how could she when his heart was a stone? She tried so hard to show him how loyal she is to him, but he won't see her.Or maybe he can't see her.
She had to continue her life with the idea that she really met her idol in this life and she had the chance to write a book about his life.