If one day

"If one day I would sit at the sea relaxed and calm, I could say I am happy. I still don't know if I would prefer to be alone with my thoughts or to be in a good company.
Love, passion are old words for me. I am an old man, with old feelings, I could say I barely remember all my experiences.
Still, I wish to start dreaming one day. I work hardly, every day and night, and I know it's in vain. My happiness doesn't rely on this, but it's destroyed step by step.
I used to be warmed by a smile, I used to dream with open eyes at somebody and now when I try to dream , my mind blocks. I can imagine faces , persons, actions, but I can't feel anything.
I created a human being one day, but now I can't recreate myself.
I feel enthusiastic only in the presence of my creation.
And..oh ,..I was such a passionate man. I used to dedicate my life to love.Now I dedicate my life to sadness and frustration. I am a perfectionists, and I don't stop until I don't succeed.
It was you and me and all the others in my mind, and now you are a ghost.
And they are also ghosts. They are all ghosts in my mind. My friends, my family, my lovers, my neighbors.

I am such a solitary man, and I wish to feel the sea, to die in the sea. I wish to wish somebody. But sometimes I think my heart was replaced with a stone. Still I am so much sensitive to negativity. I am attacked every day by the media and with every journalists that asks me how could I, I feel like I am stabbed in my chest.  I am wondering if any person in this world would understand what I feel. Sometimes I meet people and I get enthusiastic but soon, this will dissipate. I am so much attacked at the workplace. They would laugh in my face, they would kick me out of my institute, but still I won't give up. "

-Are you still convinced you want to write a book about my life story? He asked Diana, and Diana said yes.
My life is interesting, but I am a difficult person. Everybody would accuse me after reading this book.
-To judge somebody is in our nature, but don't worry, nobody did what you did, and nobody could understand you, because you are the only person in this world to create a human clone.
Thank you Diana. Your words are always warm.

She would say out loud that she loves him, but how could she when his heart was a stone? She tried so hard to show him how loyal she is to him, but he won't see her.Or maybe he can't see her.
She had to continue her life with the idea that she really met her idol in this life and she had the chance to write a book about his life.