Some people find themselves in my mind, and I feel like I have to write about them. I write and everything gets more clear in my mind.
I've met a guy who looked like me. I was thrilled by his appearance, by his way of speaking, his attitude, his presence, because he was so similar. Like we were twins.
In him I saw myself. And I became very attracted in just some seconds. I would say it is now usual for me, but in this case it was very easy.
I felt like I known him for a long time and I was so comfortable with him. We got deeper in discussions and I liked him more and more. I felt butterflies in my stomach like a high school girl. He told me nice words and was captured by me too.
But this story ended so much fast without words. I felt he is a lost case, when I observed his lack of enthusiasm, his constant preoccupation for work and he was always at watch. He was always in hurry and did not live in the present. In that moment I realized how bad can a person feel when stands near a person like actual him. I was like this for too much long. I didn't care about other's feelings, and I was acting and thinking only at my career, at my job and at my well-being, for being able to start all over again: work eat sleep.and repeat . He was that kind of guy.
In some days he lost total interest in me and I felt bad because I knew I can't help him. Without a passion, without a hobby, without a reason to dream of, you are like a robot. You can live, but you can't be happy. He told me this situation will last only 1 or 2 years until he will gain a better position and more money and after he will take care of other aspects. But he was already not so young, and he was saying this since so much long. If you do not take care in time of your dreams, passions and whatever thrills you , you will lose the train. And once lost, maybe you will never catch him again.
He disappeared from my life without a word, but I knew it can't be another way. I was not at the right moment in his life.But yes, he was at the right moment in my life when I realized how much bad I could cause and how I could destroy myself.
Even now, I am not totally cured and sometimes act like a robot.