miercuri, 9 martie 2016

How is called that feeling?

19.24 p.m

How is called that feeling? I was struggling a lot to remember something from my past life. These days I am senseless when it comes to feelings. I am tired of searching answers and I am tired of being alone in this world. If I am the only clone around here, if I am an experiment who could answer my questions?

When I asked her she answered to me: -We are all the same. You think you can't find your place in this world because you are a clone. A poor man in a rich country thinks the same. An old among youngsters would feel he doesn't belong there, and so on.
I am a woman and I don't belong in this man ruled world. I am sensitive and I don't belong in this country. I don't have answers like you. I may be naturally created, but do I know for sure if I have a soul? Do I know which is the purpose of life?

-I think....you didn't understand anything.
I am lost. I may die soon. I am 25 years old and I can die in any moment, and no doctor could answer to this. If you remember the sheep Dolly, it aged very fast and died earlier.
I am so scared but in the same time, I don't care. I hate this life.
I feel special because of this, but I am just a copy.
Do you know how is to be told you are not a different person from your original?

I lived 25 years and I don't know where to go or what to do. Before I found out that my parents are not my parents , that I may not be a human, just a copy, my life changed totally.
I started to not feel things I felt before. Maybe I don't have the right to feel and now the feelings are gone? Maybe my feelings were just an illusion before? I used to dream and now I use to bleed.
I used to love and now I use to isolate myself.
When I kiss a woman I feel nothing, but I still do this. I try hard to remember how I felt before. How reacted my body years ago. I struggle to get a glimpse of feelings, but nothing.
My body does not react my mind is in another place.I would like to connect to the moment, to the person who is near me but I cannot.
I used to have dreams, that now are fulfilling but I lost my enthusiasm. I was more happy before when I dreamed  than now , when my dreams come true.

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